yenbiscuits

Should be moving.

where?

Tell you soon

I’m blogging again.

Not that I have much to talk about.

Just that, I’m leaving.

Next week will be a new beginning.

A new start.

A good one-I certainly hope.

I might disappear from the bloggers’ world for a while.

Everest has 2 more chapters before the red curtain joins.

Nevermind me if my language is a little puzzling.

I’m just typing whatever that comes to my brainy without first filtering.

I’m kissing goodbye to MSN since Cisco has barred it from the system.

I’m kissing goodbye to alot of others too.

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Some people dived straight into their destiny;

Others wandered a little longer.

As for me, I’m just wondering.

I thought I should be a full-time staff.

I thought I should be moving in missions.

I thought I should be doing more for China.

I really thought so.

Singing isn’t my forte.

Preaching isn’t my forte.

There must be something I am good in.

I need to re-discover myself.

Help.

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I woke up with swollen eyes.

For once, I had to use double-eyelid glue to lift up my left eye.

I could hardly open them still.

Slept at 1am.

Woke up at five.

Struggled.

Slept again.

Woke up at eight.

1 night wasn’t enough to get over the disappointment this time round.

Maybe I need 2.

Or 3.

Or 4.

My heart fell from the 16th storey.

My hopes hit the ground and broke into 119 pieces.

The last time and only time (other than now) I felt this way was 10 years ago when I was still a non-believer.

It took me a whole of June to move on.

But that was without God.

I will definitely do better now with Him.

Just don’t keep silent like You did yesterday.

Was it just a pursuit of a passion?

A vision that was made-up?

Will I ever get to stand on that square?

I sought for an answer but I didn’t hear.

Anyhow.

When You stood in silence,

Forever I will praise.

Still.

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我早已忘了怎么说出悲伤

得靠着音乐逼眼泪流下

周星驰他教会我哈哈大笑

原来假装能让失望淡掉

I have been told countless times that I resemble Kelly Poon.

But it’s only when a stranger came up to me and said, "I thought you look like Kelly," then I realised that perhaps, I do somewhat look like her.

And the photographer said so too.

The hairstyle maybe.

Anyhow, I promised to blog about the "Naughty By Nature" experience.

The young Ang Moh boss is veriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii good-looking. He should feel privileged since I seldom praise people the way I just did. The last time was number of years ago. Come to think about it, the previous one is still THE man. At least, he scores in his character too *wink*.

Anyhow, I will never underestimate the power of eye makeup again. I mean, how else can my tiny pair of eyes double its size? Of cos, removal took a little longer than usual.

Okay, I was ready for the first shoot. Posing and posing and, posing. Can you imagine? I wasn’t allowed to flash my million bucks smile-my most valuable asset besides my nose.  Urr…    

I was sent off to change into another set of clothes. Some touch-ups and my already-short hair was thrown around. Zoom! The second shoot. I’ve discovered :it’s EASIER to work with a female photographer. Hmm, she was open to my ideas and we tried out different postures. Turned out quite well and I was obviously more satisfied with the 2nd set of photos. (Of cos, it helped when she kept reminding me that I should go and become a model.)

Finally, I saw the end-product after the magic of photoshop. I looked like a superstar-that is, on the pictures.

What can I say? Head down to NBYN if you wanna have the covergirl’s look.

P/S: There’s alot more I can say but I don’t see the need to. Well, no one is perfect. That applies to business and companies and, handsome boss *wink wink*.

They say "truth hurts."

I opt otherwise.

They just need to know God.

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I do not understand why they were so happy when I didn’t correct them over their mistakes.

I do not understand why they were so glad when I didn’t scold them over their wrongs.

They do not understand the aching I felt in my heart.

Just like they do not understand they have just de-moted themselves in the spiritual realm.

Why settle for the less? I do not understand.

I didn’t react the way I did previously.

Not that I’m numbed.

But only becos I understand what’s most important to me.

Not you.

Not the OMs.

Not the MMs.

Not the helpers.

Not N154.

Not ministry.

Not my calling.

Not my dream.

Not my future.

Him.

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It took me 8 years to realise that.

It’s amazing what talking to God can do.

Chapter 2 (an extract)

….Taking a closer look, she noticed a ping-pong sized object resting on the ground. She wiped off the mud on it with her sleeve and behold! It was a sparkling crystal ball. "How beautiful it is! More exquisite than what the market offers!" She exclaimed. "Now, I have a friend to talk to in the night." Ever crawled to her wheelchair and climbed back onto it. She stuffed her tightly clenched fist into her pocket. "It should be safe here," she grinned. Smile Ever, smile! Smile forever, Ever smile!

Chapter 3

Ever was getting a little uncomfortable at the stares from others. "Haven’t they seen enough?" she wondered. After all, it wasn’t her first time in the market. And certainly, it wasn’t her first time on a wheelchair. She hurried to get the items on the grocery list and headed home without further ado. As Ever passed through the forest, her tears rolled down from her cheeks like water dashing out from the dam. "Mother, I can’t smile. I really can’t smile anymore." All the misery and injustice accumulated all her life finally erupted. The birds stopped chirping. The rustling of the leaves halted. There was an instant silence in the forest apart from her wailing.

Ever reached her skirt to dry her face. Wait! Something is glowing in her pocket-It’s the crystal ball.

"The people in the market aren’t looking at my legs; they are just curious about the shine behind my pocket!"

Carefully, Ever took out the crystal ball and started admiring it.

"How beautiful this is!" She said. "How I wish I can look as pretty as you."

While lost in her own thoughts, Everest didn’t realise the change in her. Neither did she realise the familiar voice that was heard mumbling," Ever, Everest! This is a fair transaction. You will get what you ask for and I will get what I want—from you."

                                                                        … … to be continued.            

I really need to enrol into some keyboard class.

I am feeling veriiiiiiiiiiiii limited.

All the frustrations are piling up and I certainly do not wish for an eruption.

There should be much more inside of me.

Anyhow, hope that the photoshoot will turn out well later.

Please, don’t paint my face similar to those found in the circus.

I’m really going to feed on grass for the next few weeks.

And I’m not even a cow.

The cheque never appeared.

Ulcers are declaring war with me.

How am I suppose to sing next tuesday?

Aiya, should be okay by then.

I have decided to do a happy song by Shania Twain.

I love happy songs!!!

I’m going to continue Everest, come what may.

How can I not finish what I have started?

But not just Everest.

Many others.

"If you can’t even feed 10 people, how sure are you to lead 10,000 into My presence?"

Bang!

Listening to Sanctuary and Take all of me again and again.

And again, He came and touched me.

I can’t really sing with my swelling gums, 2 ulcers in unison and a throat all out to kill but still, He met up with me.

My voice cracked and I mumbled through the lyrics as I do not wish to aggravate my ulcers but still, He brought His comfort to me.

My body is weak, my spirit is dry and my eyes are sore but still, He wrapped me with His presence.

He never fails. Never. Not once in my life.

The storms of life are nonetheless daunting

But still, I will praise Him.

But still, I will love Him.

But still, I will glorify Him.

But still, I will trust Him.

But still, I will seek Him.

But still, I will serve Him.

But still, I will continue walking-

Forward, that is.

But still, I will continue fighting-

The devil, who else.

But still, I will continue praying-

My God saves, always.

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SANCTUARY

When My World Was In Darkness 
You Spoke Your Word 
Night Turned Into Day 
Your Beauty Filled This Place 

When My World Stood In Silence 
You Filled My Heart 
With Songs That Never End 
Forever I Will Praise 

To Think That The Universe 
Could Not Withhold Your Glory 
You Choose To Live In Me 
I’m So Amazed 

(And) I Worship You Lord 
My Life In You Restored 
Here Is My Heart 
Make It Your Sanctuary 
For Nobody Else 
But Jesus Only (You) 

You Are Faithful And True 
Glorious Lord 
All My Life 
It Is You I Adore 
You’ve Touched My Soul 
Completed My World I Surrender To You

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TAKE ALL OF ME

You Called Us To Follow
We Place All We Have Into Your Hands
You’re All That We Desire
You Show Us Your Kingdom
Built Into Our Hearts Forevermore
Jesus Our Lives Belong To You

Take All Of Me
I Give You My All For All Of You
Move In Your Power
Open The Heavens Lord Today
Take All Of Me
Make Us Your Light For All To See
Change This World We Live In
Let Your Harvest In
Let Your Harvest In

Take All Of Me
For All Of You
All Consuming Fire
Take All Of Me
For All Of You
You’re My Heart Desire

No angels; no gold dust.

Only God.

Good enough.

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I was busy making calls and making arrangements throughout Emerge 2006.

The old me would be so occupied and brushed off any possible encounters with Him during the sessions.

BUT, I ‘m  surprised how He came to me. Still surprised.

Kelly isn’t the highlight;

Junyang isn’t too.

And no, not Taufik.

My heart pulsated a little quicker when Sun & Milk appeared but nah, not them.

"Do not think about the years that had already been gone. You have 4 more years to go and I will come true for you. You will see the fruits bore like never before-the productivity that you have never had."

"You will see for yourself the revival in that land. You will live to witness the young and the old, deep in worship. You will go just as I have sent you and bring my presence to the hungry. There you will stand with hands highly lifted up and you and my people, will bow down and acknowledge who I am."   

"Do not be discouraged by those who had refused Me. Do not think that what you had done were in vain. Do not be disheartened and leave the way the world had left Me. Do what I have called you to do."

I will.

I will Lord.

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I need to deal with my insecurity;

I need to deal with my pride.

I need to focus

And chuck everything else aside.

I must get to that land somehow.